*******
Whew! That was a very long title. I wish that I could write a long substantial composition to top that. This is what happened today.
We presented the God-forsaken history video. That video should have not shown in any medium possible no thanks to the class-suspending typhoon last Thursday. Our report was planned originally as a LIVE skit with all of the horrible lines and actions. Because of cancellation of classes, I decided to write, direct, act, produce and edit a small time video for my group. Thank GOD for that typhoon! Bwahahaha! I did not have any big scenes in mind, just a simple news program with one commercial break. We filmed last Saturday afternoon and I was editing that video until Monday night. I rendered a rough copy to my video cam and that was the one and only full copy. It had some problems with the audio but what the heck.
Today, we presented the report. First part was the boring lecture in tri-media. A nice term but in our report tri-media means reporting in three visual materials: Manila paper, chalkboard and acetate. Even our prof laughed at us because of the "creativity" of the different visual aids. But nonetheless, the small time video amazed everyone. It was informative and comic at the same time. Talk about some last minute monsoon to brighten my day.
******
I had another chance to talk to him live but I chickened out- AGAIN. He was right there, in front of our bench, looking helpless and he was pushing a medium sized mobile chalkboard towards the socsci foyer. He was right there in front of me for minutes, not moving, like expecting a cue from the director for me to enter the scene and help him. Wahhh! Earlier that day during marketing class, I realized that AGAIN, love is like marketing as well. The hardest part of introducing a product was breaking the ice to the consumers. Furthermore, if the consumers liked you at first, how can the company sustain the spark? What if the product goes on a rapid decline? Marketers say that it is better to move the advertising and promotions of the product slowly but surely. In a way, consumers would form a habit of liking the product, gradually loving it and in the end; there would be an established consumer loyalty. Maybe I could do that as well. After that class, philosophy also gave some insights that struck my reality. "Life should be spontaneous." It is hard to be following scripts all the time, sometimes, I should take a leap of faith (or fate) and be not responsible for my actions. The world is full of surprises (and represses.) The point is I would die someday so what is the point of being cautious. (I should be lecturing myself.) Maybe I’m not ready yet. Just maybe.
******
So what if he has a boyfriend? As the old Pinoy saying goes: “Mas madali mahuli ang manok kung nakatali” And further still, gay men are still men, and most men are not monogamous. (a lesson from queer as folk)
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Monday, August 30, 2004
back to zero
thats just life.
i came to this point wherein i don't believe in leaps of faith,
of magic sparks
and wishful thinking,
hmm,
maybe not.
i came to this point wherein i don't believe in leaps of faith,
of magic sparks
and wishful thinking,
hmm,
maybe not.
two days notice
its the 30th day of August, more than a day to go before a new month. Can't beleive that the "BER" months are starting already. How time flies when you're not having fun. Hehehehe!
Still the same old routine. After a hell week of submissions, here is a new batch of projects due next week.
But what the heck, at least there is something to look forward to, a lame thing such as the changing of the month.
The weekend was great though, went out with my two bestest friends in travel, Jan and Nino. That night was kinda wierd but looking back at the "EB" incident with bestfriend Nino, I just smile and laugh at the awkward situation.
We also watched Princess Diaries 2. I cried at one scene wherein the so called "love team" said cheesy romantic lines to each other. It never hurts to be an escapist at sometime, well not always.
Still the same old routine. After a hell week of submissions, here is a new batch of projects due next week.
But what the heck, at least there is something to look forward to, a lame thing such as the changing of the month.
The weekend was great though, went out with my two bestest friends in travel, Jan and Nino. That night was kinda wierd but looking back at the "EB" incident with bestfriend Nino, I just smile and laugh at the awkward situation.
We also watched Princess Diaries 2. I cried at one scene wherein the so called "love team" said cheesy romantic lines to each other. It never hurts to be an escapist at sometime, well not always.
Friday, August 27, 2004
post tropical depression sickness
you can never expect.
that is what life is.
after all of the tension on the dreaded day of 26th, it all goes down to no classes, and all the stress starts to pile up again.
why?
because we don't have any venue.
OAS sucks because there is nothing available for that day. maybe i should reserve the church of the Gesu just in case. Hahahaha!
Yes, haven't seen him for almost four days now, i said last night that my love for that big headed short guy is gradually disappearing but suddenly, this lonely friday tries to revive him back.
torn.
i want to cry.
arrived late at first class,
didn't recite well at the second
and there's a long line at OAS,
not to mention the lack of facilities in this school.
how can i give the audience the full motion picture experience?
the video is great though.
no gimiks this night.
even my friends are like the facilities on reserve.
no one wants to bond with this lonely guy with no family or friends.
waaahh!!!
loser.....
that is what life is.
after all of the tension on the dreaded day of 26th, it all goes down to no classes, and all the stress starts to pile up again.
why?
because we don't have any venue.
OAS sucks because there is nothing available for that day. maybe i should reserve the church of the Gesu just in case. Hahahaha!
Yes, haven't seen him for almost four days now, i said last night that my love for that big headed short guy is gradually disappearing but suddenly, this lonely friday tries to revive him back.
torn.
i want to cry.
arrived late at first class,
didn't recite well at the second
and there's a long line at OAS,
not to mention the lack of facilities in this school.
how can i give the audience the full motion picture experience?
the video is great though.
no gimiks this night.
even my friends are like the facilities on reserve.
no one wants to bond with this lonely guy with no family or friends.
waaahh!!!
loser.....
Friday, August 20, 2004
day 8 of production
I doesn't feel like a Friday today. The main culprit for this confusion is the Quezon City Holiday yesterday. We shot the parlor scene in Angono Rizal. Talk about on location. We were filmed the OBB at 1am. This is my biggest production stint yet. Unfortuantely, I can't claim 100% of the rights. I'm planning to give Shiela's boyfriend, Peter Paul a producer status. Thatt is why Im planning to change the production outfit name from Bretch Productions to San Tayo? Productions. That way I will not be accused of claiming all the glory. That's all folks, I have to go home early so that I could get the 24 oras and WazzupWazzup theme later at six. Ciao!
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
umuulan.
Second day of filiming for one of my videos due on the 26th. Raining so hard today. Not a good day for outside shots. We haven't even finished half of the scenes and its already Tuesday!! Oh my God! I hate it. Not to mention the papers which are also due on the same day.
A little rain won't hurt anyone.
A little rain won't hurt anyone.
halfway between the dumpster and God.
expect.
then don't expect.
and just one day
you'll be surprised.
thats why I hate life.
life never ceases to surprise me.
If i expect something, it doesn't happen. When I already lost hope, there is that thing. This wanting, losing and surprising makes my head hurt, at the same time, a warm tingling sensation comes to mind.
Maybe I should stop expecting. That always works. I always say that Im a pessimist. Im still am. In the end, what Im so pessimistic about, the opposite happens.
He does. He don't. He won't. Never.
Waah!
then don't expect.
and just one day
you'll be surprised.
thats why I hate life.
life never ceases to surprise me.
If i expect something, it doesn't happen. When I already lost hope, there is that thing. This wanting, losing and surprising makes my head hurt, at the same time, a warm tingling sensation comes to mind.
Maybe I should stop expecting. That always works. I always say that Im a pessimist. Im still am. In the end, what Im so pessimistic about, the opposite happens.
He does. He don't. He won't. Never.
Waah!
Crammed!
everything dies on the 26th. Two video presentations rolled into one single day. Fortunately we filmed some good material today, the commercial scene and a few ambush interviews. I wish that we could get some relevant respondents.
Almost forgot him already. There is this new guy from last Friday night's taping for the video. I really liked the guy. Even Janjan says that he is cute. This is such a good thing because if Jan says that the guy is cute, then he is very much cute. Jan has a high standard for guys, and by the looks of it, Jeff is really a prized catch. Never felt anything like this ever. For the time being that is.
"Thats a wrap." I wish i could say those magic words.
Almost forgot him already. There is this new guy from last Friday night's taping for the video. I really liked the guy. Even Janjan says that he is cute. This is such a good thing because if Jan says that the guy is cute, then he is very much cute. Jan has a high standard for guys, and by the looks of it, Jeff is really a prized catch. Never felt anything like this ever. For the time being that is.
"Thats a wrap." I wish i could say those magic words.
Monday, August 16, 2004
halfway between the dumpster and God.
expect.
then don't expect.
and just one day
you'll be surprised.
thats why I hate life.
life never ceases to surprise me.
If i expect something, it doesn't happen. When I already lost hope, there is that thing. This wanting, losing and surprising makes my head hurt, at the same time, a warm tingling sensation comes to mind.
Maybe I should stop expecting. That always works. I always say that Im a pessimist. Im still am. In the end, what Im so pessimistic about, the opposite happens.
He does. He don't. He won't. Never.
Waah!
then don't expect.
and just one day
you'll be surprised.
thats why I hate life.
life never ceases to surprise me.
If i expect something, it doesn't happen. When I already lost hope, there is that thing. This wanting, losing and surprising makes my head hurt, at the same time, a warm tingling sensation comes to mind.
Maybe I should stop expecting. That always works. I always say that Im a pessimist. Im still am. In the end, what Im so pessimistic about, the opposite happens.
He does. He don't. He won't. Never.
Waah!
Crammed!
everything dies on the 26th. Two video presentations rolled into one single day. Fortunately we filmed some good material today, the commercial scene and a few ambush interviews. I wish that we could get some relevant respondents.
Almost forgot him already. There is this new guy from last Friday night's taping for the video. I really liked the guy. Even Janjan says that he is cute. This is such a good thing because if Jan says that the guy is cute, then he is very much cute. Jan has a high standard for guys, and by the looks of it, Jeff is really a prized catch. Never felt anything like this ever. For the time being that is.
"Thats a wrap." I wish i could say those magic words.
Almost forgot him already. There is this new guy from last Friday night's taping for the video. I really liked the guy. Even Janjan says that he is cute. This is such a good thing because if Jan says that the guy is cute, then he is very much cute. Jan has a high standard for guys, and by the looks of it, Jeff is really a prized catch. Never felt anything like this ever. For the time being that is.
"Thats a wrap." I wish i could say those magic words.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Friday the 13th
Remember the defunct show with the same title? Well, this post is not in any way related to that. Its just one of those days wherein the 13th day of month comes with this day of the week: Friday. Friday is a day where mankind attributes so many things. No other day comes close. Friday is said to be the day Jesus died on the cross. A song was about Friday becoming a day of love. Not to mention the self-proclaimed Fashion Fridays for my clothes. I really love Friday. Friday marks the start of the weekend. Friday nights are the best because you wake up Saturday morning, (logically, duh) unlike Saturday nights where you chase the Sunday sun.
My favorite number is 13. During highschool, I always get the number 13 for my class number. During Friday the 13th, always get lucky...
Its exactly 2:37pm right now, Jan and I are planning to go to Malate. This was a snap decision. Fortunately, tonight, I mean later this morning, the Malate visit would have a cause. I would be doing a feature on film for my homosexuality creative feature slash documentary. I asked my friend to be my cameraman, fortunately, he agreed. Im so nervous for this journalistic stint because what if I get caught with my cam. Awwh. Good luck to myself.
***
The rock version of the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" still runs through my mind. Today marked another significant sign in my life: a line of the song goes like this: "Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly." I saw him this morning after philo class and he wore blue!! The same shade and hue of blue that I am wearing right now. What a coincidence. I this a sign? He even has a red Jansport bag. I brought this day my CocaCola bag which is also red. Another coincidence? I can't believe it. Life never ceases to surprise me. I wish I could talk to him later. I wish? I should? I could? I would.
Last night when i turned on the TV, the channel was already set in Studio 23. They were showing the movie entitled, "Can't Hardly Wait." It stars Enthan Embry and some hor girl. It was a movie that almost captured every feeling that I feel right now. The main character, who is Preston, is similar to me. He loved the girl for so long but he never met her, and never told her either. All shit happens but in the end, they met each other. A significant line still sticks to my mind from the movie: "There is such a thing called fate but when that moment comes, it is still up to you to make it happen."
My favorite number is 13. During highschool, I always get the number 13 for my class number. During Friday the 13th, always get lucky...
Its exactly 2:37pm right now, Jan and I are planning to go to Malate. This was a snap decision. Fortunately, tonight, I mean later this morning, the Malate visit would have a cause. I would be doing a feature on film for my homosexuality creative feature slash documentary. I asked my friend to be my cameraman, fortunately, he agreed. Im so nervous for this journalistic stint because what if I get caught with my cam. Awwh. Good luck to myself.
***
The rock version of the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" still runs through my mind. Today marked another significant sign in my life: a line of the song goes like this: "Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly." I saw him this morning after philo class and he wore blue!! The same shade and hue of blue that I am wearing right now. What a coincidence. I this a sign? He even has a red Jansport bag. I brought this day my CocaCola bag which is also red. Another coincidence? I can't believe it. Life never ceases to surprise me. I wish I could talk to him later. I wish? I should? I could? I would.
Last night when i turned on the TV, the channel was already set in Studio 23. They were showing the movie entitled, "Can't Hardly Wait." It stars Enthan Embry and some hor girl. It was a movie that almost captured every feeling that I feel right now. The main character, who is Preston, is similar to me. He loved the girl for so long but he never met her, and never told her either. All shit happens but in the end, they met each other. A significant line still sticks to my mind from the movie: "There is such a thing called fate but when that moment comes, it is still up to you to make it happen."
Thursday, August 12, 2004
o ano? game knb?
kailangan ko nang tapusin ito. tigilan na ang pagiging torpe. kailangan itodo ko na ito, kailangan ko nang gawin ito... kailangan ko na siyang awayin.
ngayon ay theo report nila. ang ganda ng ng topic: sex in media. gamitan ng ng comm theory. haha! ipriprito ko sila sa defense. todo pakinig na ako sa report.
sana mangyari na.
sana maglakas na ako ng loob.
sana.
ngayon ay theo report nila. ang ganda ng ng topic: sex in media. gamitan ng ng comm theory. haha! ipriprito ko sila sa defense. todo pakinig na ako sa report.
sana mangyari na.
sana maglakas na ako ng loob.
sana.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Somewhere over the rainbow- the song
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
One day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why, oh why can't I?
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then, oh why can't I?
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
One day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why, oh why can't I?
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then, oh why can't I?
somewhere over the rainbow
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
midweek.
midterms exams results for cs was released today. 60 was the passig score, i got a 67. Thats ok because i got a 10point additional bonus. Hahaha! 77 over 100 is my new score.
friday the 13th's coming up. i always get lucky on that infamous day.
it always hits you when you're off guard.
bore me.
i wish that i could jump over that rainbow.
i wish.
midweek.
midterms exams results for cs was released today. 60 was the passig score, i got a 67. Thats ok because i got a 10point additional bonus. Hahaha! 77 over 100 is my new score.
friday the 13th's coming up. i always get lucky on that infamous day.
it always hits you when you're off guard.
bore me.
i wish that i could jump over that rainbow.
i wish.
Monday, August 09, 2004
of rainy days and Mondays
It was a dark and rainy weekend both figuratively and literally.
After being the host for the second marketing pass type-out, (the only gimmick for Jem and Gracienne) I decided to go out. It was just a spur of the moment decision knowing that the group was planning to have the project making until the end of time. Fortunately they didn't and by seven in the evening, the OC members started to bail out, so right there I texted Jan that im free for that evening.
Jem, the driver of that gray Tamaraw FX, together with Gracienne, the so called disco girl, dropped me off at Shangri-la Plaza, my super duper favorite mall. Everytime I go inside the mall, I feel something different, that warm fuzzy feeling of life not troubled by complications and worries. I wish I could go back to that time.
After a few minutes, there was Janjan at the back of Starbucks. He wore the same red Volkswagen logo shirt during the days of my deceased car. Yes, I used to have a car, but one day it just won't work. I truly loved that car. Unfortunately, it seems that everything I love just disappears. I should really stop loving anything or anyone for that matter so that I won't get hurt if that thing or person leaves me.
After being the host for the second marketing pass type-out, (the only gimmick for Jem and Gracienne) I decided to go out. It was just a spur of the moment decision knowing that the group was planning to have the project making until the end of time. Fortunately they didn't and by seven in the evening, the OC members started to bail out, so right there I texted Jan that im free for that evening.
Jem, the driver of that gray Tamaraw FX, together with Gracienne, the so called disco girl, dropped me off at Shangri-la Plaza, my super duper favorite mall. Everytime I go inside the mall, I feel something different, that warm fuzzy feeling of life not troubled by complications and worries. I wish I could go back to that time.
After a few minutes, there was Janjan at the back of Starbucks. He wore the same red Volkswagen logo shirt during the days of my deceased car. Yes, I used to have a car, but one day it just won't work. I truly loved that car. Unfortunately, it seems that everything I love just disappears. I should really stop loving anything or anyone for that matter so that I won't get hurt if that thing or person leaves me.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
how many times should you accidentally see a person?
Marooned six times: Matagal nang yan ang title ng blog ko pero di kami pareho ng color ngayon. Pero kahit papaano six times ko pa rin siya nakita. Sana naman tigilan ko na itong pagiging torpe ko. Sana, maging friend ko na siya. Lahat ata ng friends ko friend na siya, except for me.
Character flaw ko talaga ang mawalan ng salita kapag nasa critical moments na nang buhay. Kaya siguro wala pa akong boyfriend ngayon kasi mabagal ako, mahina, walang diskarte. Lahat ng bagay na gawin ko laging half-baked, kulang at not enough vitamins. (kulang sa buhay-commercial)
Lahat nalang ng taong nakakausap ko, sabi nila di daw kami bagay. Masyado daw kaming pareho ng ginagawa. Ewan ko lang ha. Sabi lang nila yon. Bahala na. Bathala na.
Sabi ng iba, baka pinaasa lang niya ako. Ok lang yun. Maghihintay ako, hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan. (masyadong pang teleserye) Pero sa totoo lang, ganyan talaga ang buhay, hindi mo mapipilit ang isang tao na mahalin mo ka niya. Madalas na madaya ang tadhana. Ganyan lang talaga ang tadhana ko.
Kilala niya kaya ako? Alam niya kaya na ako yung nakachat niya noon? Alam niya kaya na ako yung nag-add sa kanya sa friendster? Lagi ko siyang nakikita. Lagi niya akong nahuhuling tumitingin sa kanya? Alam niya kayang mahal ko siya? Baka... baka... baka hindi, baka hindi niya ako mahal... baka lang. Pero mahal ko siya.
Character flaw ko talaga ang mawalan ng salita kapag nasa critical moments na nang buhay. Kaya siguro wala pa akong boyfriend ngayon kasi mabagal ako, mahina, walang diskarte. Lahat ng bagay na gawin ko laging half-baked, kulang at not enough vitamins. (kulang sa buhay-commercial)
Lahat nalang ng taong nakakausap ko, sabi nila di daw kami bagay. Masyado daw kaming pareho ng ginagawa. Ewan ko lang ha. Sabi lang nila yon. Bahala na. Bathala na.
Sabi ng iba, baka pinaasa lang niya ako. Ok lang yun. Maghihintay ako, hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan. (masyadong pang teleserye) Pero sa totoo lang, ganyan talaga ang buhay, hindi mo mapipilit ang isang tao na mahalin mo ka niya. Madalas na madaya ang tadhana. Ganyan lang talaga ang tadhana ko.
Kilala niya kaya ako? Alam niya kaya na ako yung nakachat niya noon? Alam niya kaya na ako yung nag-add sa kanya sa friendster? Lagi ko siyang nakikita. Lagi niya akong nahuhuling tumitingin sa kanya? Alam niya kayang mahal ko siya? Baka... baka... baka hindi, baka hindi niya ako mahal... baka lang. Pero mahal ko siya.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Life never fails to surprise us.
gawd. grabe na ito. siguro chinika nya niya. ang laki na talaga ng ulo niya. (figuratively and literally) Yung only common friend namin sa friendster, aba, medyo sinabi na sana makilala ko si Pizza Boy. Di ko alam kung aksidente yun o alam na nang friends niya.
pero kahit may ibig sabihin yun o wala, mahal ko pa rin siya. wala nang ibang mapupunta sa number 1, kahit may tumutubong olibo sa lupa sa labas ng bintana ko.
pero kahit may ibig sabihin yun o wala, mahal ko pa rin siya. wala nang ibang mapupunta sa number 1, kahit may tumutubong olibo sa lupa sa labas ng bintana ko.
Monday, August 02, 2004
olive green, and that memory of free cuts
can't expect what happens in life. some things are planned but most of the time, the course of events are just out of my hands. i try to forget but destiny never fails to remind me of him. why does he always appear out of nowhere.
but on the last night of the june pride, i went to golden maria's arms again. i went to that nocturnal farm where all of my kind meet. then i saw this farmer, growing the same olives in my mouth. it was savoury. it was all over my lips. i enjoyed it. i used my hands to pick some more fruit, or whatever that is.
deep inside, i am feeling something warm. but deeper inside, i still feel that marooned feeling with that pizza pie slice. what should i do? is this just recycling? still love him. i will wait, even forever for the cheese to melt or would i drink martinis with olives, savoury olives...
but on the last night of the june pride, i went to golden maria's arms again. i went to that nocturnal farm where all of my kind meet. then i saw this farmer, growing the same olives in my mouth. it was savoury. it was all over my lips. i enjoyed it. i used my hands to pick some more fruit, or whatever that is.
deep inside, i am feeling something warm. but deeper inside, i still feel that marooned feeling with that pizza pie slice. what should i do? is this just recycling? still love him. i will wait, even forever for the cheese to melt or would i drink martinis with olives, savoury olives...
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